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Posts Tagged ‘face’
The first time I discovered margaritas (and enjoying quite a few), I woke up the next morning without eyes! Who knew simply enjoying a tasty alcoholic beverage would make you wake up without eyes?! I mean, the “windows to my soul” were swollen shut – well, almost; I could see that I looked like a cartoon character, and when I went to get up, I almost tripped on the bags under my eyes – no kidding!
Completely freaked out, I put a cucumber slice on each eye and started googling “puffy eyes” – not an easy thing to do, mind you, googling and trying to keep cucumber slices on swollen eyes – and the first thing that came up in the search was Preparation H, calling it “the best kept Hollywood secret,” a miracle product with immediate results! Being Russian and unfamiliar with the product, I thought it was an extravagant eye cream. Ok, so I was in a hurry and didn’t read the product description, AND it’s not exactly easy to read with swollen eyes with cucumber slices on top! I was desperate, and I ordered my American husband to get me some – stat! He looked at me slightly glassy eyes, then asked me in a concerned voice why I needed it. When I explained that I was going to put it on my eyes, he gingerly said “Honey, I don’t think it’s a good idea to put hemorrhoid cream on your eyes.” It took me a few seconds to process “hemorrhoid” and connect it with ass, during which time my husband contemplated whether I had gone mad or if this was just another cultural difference between him and his exotic Russian wife.
Being kind of educated in the area of topical treatments, and remembering that painful hemorrhoids needed to be shrunk to reduce pain and inflammation, I connected the dots and proceeded without fear – I was going to put butt cream on my face! If it could work on your butt, why not on your face? And besides, celebrities were using it, why shouldn’t I? I’ve always loved multi-purpose products – shampoo/conditioners, cheek/lip stain, Swiss Army knives – butt/eye cream sounded a like a great addition!
I lived near the Black Sea my whole life until I moved to Texas. All of my summers were spent on the beach. I was working on my tan very hard from May until August. Pale and pink was avery bad look in my circle. Tan lines were a bad thing too – that’s why I didn’t have a swimming suit! You could call me and my friends nudists, but we weren’t part of a cultural and political movement advocating and defending social nudity in private and in public . It was simply vanity – to have bronze skin everywhere, no white spot allowed.
Every year, every summer, I did it again and again. I liked my tanned, golden-bronze look. It was so disappointing when it started to fade every fall – I hated being pale, so not pretty. When I got lucky and started to work at a very fancy fitness club for very rich people, I saw this big shiny silver thingy, my first tanning bed. It was a miracle! I could be pretty, bronze and without tan lines, all year round. And, it was free; employees had to be tanned to advertise the new service, as it was the first tanning bed in the whole city. We were saying that tanning beds were very safe and good for the skin; that they had filters to remove dangerous UVB/UVA rays and were therefore much better than the sun. People loved it, and it was working non-stop.
At that time there wasn’t a lot of information about the connection between premature aging, skin cancer and ultraviolet rays. We heard something, we read something, but really didn’t believe it. How could something that makes you look and feel good be dangerous? No way!!!!!